The Reason

(Please expand this video to full screen by clicking the button with 4 outward arrows in the very bottom right-hand corner and take an uninterrupted moment to listen and read the words, watch the video. The quality gets better as it goes in further)

Nope, not talking about the Hoobastank song (even though it kind of relates to how I was and how I feel so I'm linking it here) I'm talking about The Reason, the real reason we are celebrating in 12 days.  The Reason that you and I are here. This Christmas, because I can't buy my beautiful, incredible readers tangible gifts, I want to give you the most amazing gift possible.  A one size fits all, unisex, any occasion,  untoppable gift. I want to share these words with you in hopes that you can understand what it's really about. I know there are *tons* of posts just like this one, probably worded and formatted better, in a more appealing, feel good fashion but I would be sooooo pleased and honored if you could just take a few to read this one. I know what I'm saying is nothing new, but I still would love to share it.

I can't manage to watch the above video without being moved to heart swollen over tears, a runny nose, and a huge feeling of something so much bigger than I could ever imagine. I have spent the majority of my life lost, wandering for something, feeling unwanted, unloved, and uglier than I could ever manage to explain to you.  I'm going to lay it all out here, in fear of spoiling my reputation because like I said, I want you to know me. I'm a real person. An imperfect human being who has made mistakes and paid for them but most of all has changed.  I know I could lose readers and that's okay because I'm not one to sugarcoat much.  I used to hate myself, I used to do drugs and drink, seek affection from others in wrong ways in order to try to feel some bit of love mirrored back to me I so desperately wanted.  I know now that I had love in my life (I've always had lots of close friends) but those around me weren't good at expressing it, and I was so imprisoned that even if I had it, I might not have realized. My heart was literally broken every day and I won't go into it, but eventually even after I had been completely drug & drink free for years I still about lost my life due to trying to fill that hole and getting with the wrong person.  That night, I remember praying, saying, God, if You get me through this night, I will never ever doubt Your love, Your power, Your being again. He did in fact carry me through and even though I was physically and emotionally scarred, I was alive. I began to have doubts again after I guess it was the trauma but He sent me my husband and he physically pulled me through. Little by little, God kept showing me, blessing me, teaching me these lessons that sometimes you can only learn the hard way.  Growing up, Christianity was something that was habitual, a practice but I didn't see the purpose though I was raised in it.  I didn't feel it, see it. After I gave my life over to Him, prayed for Him to save me again, this time not just from a situation, but from myself. From the part of me that couldn't understand or believe in Him. That I wanted to believe, I wanted to feel Him, for Him to open my eyes. 

That being said, it's been 5 years and these days are the absolute best days of my life. I feel and understand things now that I could never dream possible when I was younger.  Deep wounds heal slowly and scar, but you know, they're disappearing.  I've told you before that I believe sometimes you weather terrible storms in order to be the one who pulls someone else from the water.

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble."
1 Peter 3:8

I never say anything that I don't truly feel or believe. Life is too short for false pretenses. I understand what love actually is and I give it openly and I love receiving it.  I've always had a tender heart and would always give the shirt off my back away, but now I know why I wanted to. It was Him all along, trying to reach out and teach me.  He was there when I tried suicide, when I was out partying, and when I nearly died as well as when I gave my life to Him, when I had my children, and everyday.  He is right there when you cry. Know what I love best about Him? He doesn't force anyone to make the choice of turning to Him.  It's a gift, wrapped up and precious, waiting for you to reach out and accept it.

Guess what? It's NEVER out of stock. There's enough for everyone so grab some for yourself, your friends, family and even those you've yet to meet. This is the kind of thing that never goes out of style, something that can be held onto and never breaks down.

 No one should ever feel unloved. That's why I work really hard to both live and teach my children that we are all the same regardless of our color, our faith, who we choose to love, and where we are from.  I want them to know and demonstrate agape love to the closest degree that we can as humans because we receive a love like that from God, who loves us despite of who we are and what we've done.

Speaking of love, can you imagine being Joseph when he found that Mary was with child and he hadn't lain with her? That was unheard of in those times, punishable by banishment and possibly death.  By accepting her and staying with her, he was risking his own reputation and punishment.  What a powerful and strong love to have enough faith in Mary to know that she hadn't committed infidelity, to trust God's words that she would birth the Savior. 

Can you imagine being Mary and being told that you would birth a child who would be the Son of God, not human, to save us.  Can you imagine holding your beautiful little one and knowing that He was never really yours? The honor and the responsibility. Trusting something that you can only go by faith and faith alone (which is enough really but is hard for many to understand) that you were a virgin but would soon give birth. This song goes along with this and always moves me, but I think that God had spoken this all to her, that one day, her precious child would give His life for everyone who would ever come after Him, both in His death but also in His teachings and His actions. But with Mary being just a human, the words could never justify everything that would come and all He would be. When I hold my little ones and consider this I think how strong a woman she was.  About how her level of love and understanding exceeds all that I could ever know. I know that it would have been an unbearable weight to carry if God had not been carrying her and Joseph as well.  

Agape in Greek

 So in all of this, please remember that Christmas is about celebrating that love that surpasses all understanding that we possess. Give gifts that mean something, that give back to humanity and demonstrate compassion above all else. Create memories and appreciate every single blessing that you have been given not only on this day but EVERY day. He has given us a new chance every day to start anew, to change our ways, to reach out and demonstrate agape love, a love that knows no bias, prejudice, or judgement.

I want to close with the last lyrics of the Youtube I posted, because I think that they are more powerful than anything I could write. Please comment and let me know what you are thinking, how you felt as you read this. I want to know you as well, your stories, your strength, even your questions if you have them about faith, the Bible, etc. Let me try to help you by giving you this gift, more valuable than I could ever afford to give you in real life.

"And I, I celebrate the day, That You were born to die, So I could one day pray for You to save my life.. pray for You to save my life.." -Relient K, I Celebrate the Day-